The Bourbon Extravaganza

Well Christmas is right around the corner for us all. I hope for each of you, the shopping is done, the trees are up, the gifts are wrapped and everyone has a brilliant holiday. This time of year means some serious holiday baking. Cakes, cookies, brownies are all on the agenda, but the big thing this year is bourbon balls. Personally, I have never made them on my own. It was always a task enjoyed at my Grandmother's house. Once my younger cousins began getting old enough, we all would pitch in and get confectioners sugar everywhere and attempt to take tastes of the bourbon when we could. We always made a mess of her kitchen, I don't know how she ever stood it!

So anyhow I decided I would make some for the holidays. But first it required actually purchasing the bourbon. Since I am not exactly a connoisseur of whiskeys of any sort (I like a nice Irish coffee once in a blue moon) I first tried the Shoppette on base. After hunting relentlessly thru aisles of spirits, I spied a huge bottle of bourbon which looked as tho it could make about 20,000 bourbon balls. In no way did I need that much, so the search took us to an establishment known simply as "Liquor Outlet". In Virginia you have the state controlled ABC "package" stores. In Ireland you have the Off license shops. Here in Colorado you have "Liquor Outlet". Oh, and Liquor City, but that is not near our home. So Liquor Outlet it was. A huge gigantic massive store filled wall to wall with any and all types of spirits, beer (no Smithwick's tho), wines, even packets of stirring rods for mixed drinks, any kind of accompaniment you can imagine. It's all there inside the brightly lit building that seems to beckon you from the road.

So here we are, Clare and myself, and we are lucky enough to get a parking space right in front of the doors. I notice the people, queued up at three different registers with trolleys filled with drink of all kind. Getting ready for the holidays I suppose. I see a manager type fellow standing there eyeing me suspiciously....people in public still swear I am a teenager and I guess we looked awkward, me looking 18 and my daughter being five. A pair of unlikely drunks I reckon. I decided it was best to ask him straight away instead of meandering hopelessly down the aisles of drink after drink after drink. I made a point to say I was in for a small bottle of bourbon for a dessert I was making, no more. He kindly took us to the aisle, we selected a nice Jim Beam and made our way to the check out.

I immediately got my ID ready to let them know I was indeed 30 years old....a huge sign screamed out in big bold letters, "we check ID's for all ages." Fair enough, I was armed and ready.

As we proceed to have our bottle, for dessert purposes only!, rung up, Clare decides, as usual, to strike up conversation with the cashier. And being five, she is excited to talk to people and gets a bit, loud shall we say. So you understand that everyone in all the check out lanes, employees included, were looking at her, smiling and listening. After we pay and the guy helping the cashier bags our loot, Clare turns to the lady and says in a very happy LOUD tone, ""Bye bye, see you next time now!". Everyone was staring at her as I shrunk to approximately 2 inches and said, "Clare, this is the first time we have ever been in here." She said loudly, "We'll be back!", while waving her mittened hand to everyone around. The thoughts running in their minds were something along the lines (I imagined) as: That poor child, being drug to Liqour Outlet constantly by her boozing mother!

Luckily we have nowhere to go for the next few days. I am dreading the next shopping day as I know Clare and I know she loves to immediately say to the cashiers...."My name is Clare and I am five years old and I have to be homeschooled until my Mummy feels better since she is being treated for her bone marrow disease". Except I have a strange feeling that this time it is going to be changed to "My name is Clare and I am five and in a week my Mummy is having her uterus removed." Yes, she very well does know what that means. I suppose it is the fate of having a child too bright for her own good.

Ah well, that's ok, I will just turn a billion shades of red and smile nicely to everyone staring, as usual, and be thankful, I guess, that I have a really smart kid.

Oh yeah, the bourbon balls? Well we were up till midnight melting the chocolate, crushing the wafers, adding the bourbon and rolling them in confectioners sugar. I added a cup as opposed to half a cup you should use, so, ehm, they ARE a bit strong. The dogs enjoyed the bits Clare dropped on the floor, (just like I'm sure I did at Grandma's) and of course, after she was tucked away in her bed, I drug out the vacuum and cleaning supplies and scrubbed everything in the kitchen furiously. Confectioners sugar seems to find it's way in every miniscule and remote spot it can find. You didn't think I would just leave it, did you??

Happy Christmas everyone!!