eve of the 34th

I have been obsessed with this aging thing lately, especially in the last month or two. Turning thirty never bothered me. Thirty-three was, as Anna put it, my "Jesus birthday". But now thirty-three has flown by and the end is nigh. I feel myself getting old. Granted I am not "old" per say. But I am completely worn out (I can blame that on my health issues and what the hysterectomy has done to my system).

When I look in the mirror I do not see "youth" anymore. My hair is whiter everyday that I get up. As tempting as it would be to add some colour to it, as those of us who have coloured white hair know, it just doesn't last. And red-heads do not turn white gracefully. It has to go all sorts of ridiculous colours in stages. Just hurry up and get it over with, would you?! But oh no, I have that odd "newly frosted look" which people will comment on. Like I would ever "frost" my hair. Come on.

Am I being cynical and a wee bit grumpy? Perhaps. After Clare's first communion, which I had so looked forward to for years, I found myself facing an anti-climatic ending. It was over and I realized she is getting older. In turn I am getting older. My daughter is going to be nine years old. Again, another sad, yet bittersweet, occasion.

I used to be really big into music. I suppose I still am, just cannot make it to all the concerts these days. I can still rattle off album titles and release dates upon command. But it has now hit me that my favourite artists are aging as well.

U2. My favourite band of all-time. I have seen them numerous times and bought their first album when I was about 9. The other day a song from "The Joshua Tree" was on in the store. In the store. That's equivalent to elevator music. Which, by the way, I have heard U2 "muzak" being played in the lift. I did a quick computation to realise I bought the Joshua Tree in March of 1987, the day it was released. I was 15. That was 19 years ago. It seems like yesterday. I can remember going straight to the record shop directly after school and waiting for the clerk to open the box of albums with the box cutter. I was the first in line. I took it home and proceeded to listen to it from 4.30pm until about 10pm while re-arranging my room. Anyhow, my point is I hadn't really thought about that album being 19 years old.

Albums...some people alive today have never even seen an album. Thanks to my extensive collection, Clare knows what they are. Hey, I remember 8-tracks. Some kids these days have no clue what those are!

I found out recently Echo & the Bunnymen are on tour. Ian McCullough. Oh my goodness. I saw a clip of a live video session they did on VH-1. He looks old, too. But he is still Ian McCullough. One of my favourite singers. Jim Kerr from Simple Mids looks much older and even the members of Jesus & Mary Chain look their age. Guess I am right up there with them.

So basically everyone I once looked up to and admired are really showing their age. It does make me a little sad when I think how youthful we all once were.

At any rate, I cannot grumble about aging too terribly much. When I turn 50 I can receive AARP discounts. And free coffee in some restaurants. Ah the joys of being older. Things really pop into prospective when I think back to my younger days when I was determined to have my 18th century B&B and two children and a nice bank account by the time I was 35. Well folks, that's next year and there is no B&B looming in the near future, my bank account is a joke and I wound up with one child with two fur children (jack russells) in the place of the second child.

I keep telling myself this is my "un-birthday". Thirty four is simply not appealing. Especially when I think that I am just about halfway through my life ~ unless some tragic accident occurs and I am eaten by a bear in the woods or something heavy falls from the sky and kills me tomorrow. Kind of scary.

So I am grateful for what I have, what I have accomplished, and who I have in my life. I have a lovely family and dear friends. My daughter adores me and thinks I am the best Mom ever. My husband thinks I am a great wife, friend, cook (& baker) and you know what...I am cool despite the years.

So bring on the cake!